just another human, being
I came to NYC at the start of 2012 to get back into entertainment–acting, modeling and dancing. Shortly after, an IT sales job came to me through a good friend that allowed me the finances to live in the city, have a flexible schedule and do the things I wanted to do. It has been 6 months since I started this job and 9 months since I came to NYC. In these months, I have wondered on and off how it is that I don’t have time to pursue my goals in the entertainment field. I wondered why–with a part-time, work-from-home position–am I barely managing the basics?! I wondered, what is even the purpose of working part-time and earning less if I am not doing much with the time?
Answer: Life has provided me with new purposes and I had the good sense to just go along with it. The good sense to not fight the current to chase predefined goals. And the job allowed me the time and energy to devote to these purposes:
1) better my health
2) nurture my relationship with Gokul
3) focus on inner goals, namely slowing down
With this understanding, I was able to relax and enjoy the moment more, rather than rushing all the time with the undercurrent that whatever I was doing was not enough.
The general thought is that, the younger you are, the better your health. But I am fairly certain that, in my case, the older I am, the better my health will be. Through greater awareness, research, time and money investment, I have learned a lot about food and health outside of what I learned through yoga (and often times, contradictory to it) that I have applied and continue to apply to my life to attain better health. There is no better gift to give yourself and your loved ones than better health! Therefore, I cannot be happier that life led me to focus on my health in 2012 and that I was afforded the resources to do so! I have seen the positive impact on myself, my close friends, roommates and family which feels so good!
It is perhaps obvious that building a new relationship requires an incubation period and a reserve of emotional and mental energy. I knew it but somehow didn’t. I have been witness to my relationship with Gokul transitioning to new phases that we would sense and our minds would anticipate like the arrival of fall or spring. We’ve weathered the toughest seasons and found ourselves in each other. Yet I didn’t give any of this credit in the daily ‘time’ domain. Shows what a limiting definition of time I was using!
I have always been introspective to improve myself, but Gokul has challenged that even more while, at the same time, showing me the way and helping me along. Being alone for so many years and into Yoga, I was contemplative and working on my tolerance, compassion and patience. But it’s not until you allow yourself to be close to someone that you can test yourself and truly improve. It’s easier to be tolerant and patient when you live your own life on your own terms and conceptualize virtues and work on them in a detached way. A relationship doesn’t allow for that. So, thankfully, in a fairly short amount of time, through my relationship with Gokul, I am a better person. I have slowed down, crossed many boundaries of habitual thinking and behavior, become more tolerant and patient and started to dream, play and get carried away more. How can I not give any of this credit in the ‘time’ domain?
Living in NYC, it is always too easy to feel you are not doing enough, accomplished enough, busy enough, etc. This year has thankfully brought me very close to the basics of life in a city concerned with all the peripherals. Ah, how I love the simple life in the city that has it all!