just another human, being
I remember laying on the surgery bed in Chennai years ago as they struggled with my eye surgery (phakic IOL implant) to correct my nearly-blind vision. I could feel what was happening in my eye and that shouldn’t be the case. Much later, I found out that the person who administrated the anaesthesia to my eye didn’t do it properly, among other things. Vague conversations I pieced together to get the idea that things weren’t right.
Later in the hospital room after the surgery was over, I was in turmoil not knowing what outcome to expect. I imagined not being able to dance again or do any activity that produces jerky movements like jumping or running. I tried to be ok with it. But it made me sink inside. I was alone because back then I did everything alone not knowing any better. So I called a friend I met through yoga training and asked him to remind me what the 5 koshas/layers are. I wanted to focus all my energies on a higher plane and rise above the despair I was feeling.
It is this moment I want to reflect on. We all have choice moments in life, actually everyday. Especially when it comes to our physical health, which is directly related to our psychological state, it is a challenge to be happy despite our circumstance. But in that moment, after having gone from feeling isolated after 6 months of not being able to see to finishing the ordeal of the surgery, in the middle of physical pain and emotional difficulty, I chose to gain control of my mind and find a way to be happy.
The eye with lowered vision sees a blur of vague shapes and colours. Similarly, my vision for my future is vague shapes and colours. But the clearest color is that of Happiness. I will accept and be joyous for the health that I do have. The decision that day in the hospital room is symbolic to me that I can choose happiness regardless of the circumstance. And the truth is that we all can.